I’m not sure why I’ve taken a month off writing. I enjoy it, it’s a release, a score keeper, and a way for me to express myself, yet I don’t do it as often as I should.
Why is it that the things I know do me good, get put to the bottom of the pile? J meditates most days, it’s something which makes him feel good, something which puts his life in order and he is aware of the benefits, so he does it. So why when I know something makes me feel good, do I forget to do it? Or do I avoid doing it?
I’m sure i’m not alone in the neglect of myself. J says I use things like neglect and food for example to hurt myself. To step away from the ‘path’. I agree yet here I am again explaining the fact that I have not done something which makes me feel good.
I’ve been reading a book called the Monk who sold his ferrari for about 6 months now, and again that is something which was given to me as a tool to help me, yet I have watched it gather dust on my bedside table, then when the guilt of not reading it was so much I put it in the drawer of the same table. Why have I been avoiding helping myself? What am I scared of?
This weekend, knowing I would be on a train for a few hours, when J asked me if I had a book to read, I dug it out of my drawer and took it with me. I ignored it for the first train ride, instead messaging people or checking facebook. Then on the return journey I picked it out of my bag and started reading. I started at the point I had apparently left, yet it had been so long since I’d read it I had no idea what was going on. I continued and realised that this book wasn’t about the story but more about the lessons. Lessons which I need. So no matter where I pick up from, there will be a message for me.
The message this weekend was about my mind. The power of it. The torment it can create and the evil it brings with it. I have for too long allowed it to control me. To talk to me and tell me things which aren’t me, which change me into someone I shouldn’t be.
This journey of change in my life was brought about by a need, a desire. But are they the same thing or 2 completely different things? I knew I needed to change, to quieten my mind. But what was the desire? Was it to be healthier, to be fitter, to be slimmer, to know what I want to be ‘when I grow up’? To be happier? Was that the need also? Or was the need just for change in my mind? And with this the desire would come?
I think over the last 2 months – i’m now day 4 of month 3 – i’ve realised or am starting to realise that I could not go on being or doing as I had if I wanted any shot at happiness. I need to stop ignoring myself, and take responsibility for what I want to do. I have made the choice so I need to do it!
So the writing will continue, the healthy living will continue, the journey of self discovery will continue and hopefully one day I’ll be closer to reaching my goals. But I must be accountable. I will be accountable!
It’s lunch time and I haven’t done any exercise today but the day isn’t over, and although I truly believe that getting it done early is the best way; not only do you have the rest of the day to do whatever you want, but also there’s less time to make excuses, it’s not the end of the day and I need to stop with the excuses!
The last month I have in general been very good about exercise. I get up in the morning and go to crossfit, then I either run or do pilates or yoga. I have made these my routine and what I base my day around. I believe it’s important to have a routine and to know not only when you are going to do exercise but also what you are going to eat and at what time. Month 2 I will make more of an effort with the food I eat and when I eat it.
We’ve been trying to follow a ‘not-fully-strict-but-nearly-there’ Paleo diet and have on the whole been very good with it. I have learnt to substitute noodles with zoodles, spaghetti with squash-ghetti and rice with cauliflower rice and honestly have enjoyed it. But the issue is that anything you want to make ‘healthy’ you can; chocolate chip cookies, brownies, carrot cake. However how ‘healthy’ are they? Yes the replacement of processed sugar with coconut nectar or raw honey is a step in the right direction, but am I substituting one addiction with another? I was never one to snack on sweet stuff but now that I am trying to be healthy I have all of a sudden got these ridiculous cravings for sweets and I have no idea why!
For the next 2 weeks I am going to try and cut out all sugar; so no more baking, cut out dairy; whaaaaa no cheese, cut out tomatoes; and this is a strange one but I think they are part of the cause of my tummy issues and gas…gross. So a 2 week experiment (I know my experiments often get forgotten and as with this writing, I get side tracked, but I am clearing my pantry and will try my hardest!)
At the end of the day I need to remember what I want to accomplish…do I want to continue seeing the flabby reflection in the mirror or do I want to see this…. 😉
Right i’m off to the gym for my (at least) 5km and some core work!!!
Complete coincidence that i’m wearing the same underwear one month in. And although the changes are not as easy to spot as i’d of liked them to be, I think they are there!
Measurements today also show that I am cinching in a bit with 2cm off my waist, 3 off my belly and 2 off my bum!! There’s a happy face right here (even though scales say just over a kilo down).
So what’s been the main learning from the first month? It’s all about what’s going on in you head. If you are excited about the challenge, happy with life, keen for change and motivated to make it, then this is ‘easy’. If you have off days, your period, a snow storm, or are unprepared, the task ahead is more like a climb to Everest than what it should be.
I can’t believe it’s been a month and I have experienced all of these emotions. I have given up and started again, I have cheated in my food intake and have not felt motivated to do the exercise i’ve aimed to do. But I know one thing, when i’ve eaten right and worked out, I have felt INVINCIBLE.
So month two – where am I going? No dairy, no sugar, no tomatoes. Carry on the running, keep up with the crossfit, pilates and yoga and keep POSITIVE.
Oh and find something to get rid of that cellulite, EURGH!!!
I’ve been suffering with my tummy for years – a mild IBS i’ve been told and also several intolerance’s, wheat, gluten and dairy. Nothing which in the past has caused more than a runny tummy or cramping, but enough now to start doing something about it as I try and improve my health.
So 2 weeks in and less than 5 trips to the loo I thought it would be time to see someone about it, and not just take laxatives to help me. So off I went to a ‘Colon Hydrotheraphy’ centre a few miles away to try and hydrate my colon and see if things would get better.
The therapist was nice and talked me through the ‘procedure’ – all seemed fine, and actually easier and less invasive than I had imagined. We chatted throughout and although during the ‘procedure’ not much happened, I was assured that in the loo, the ‘glory room’, things would be better.
I scooted myself off the bed and went off to the loo where there was some movement, however when I thought I was done, all of a sudden I started sweating uncontrollably, my hearing went, my vision when blurry and I felt like I was going to be sick. I had no idea what was happening to me. I called out for the therapist and was so embarrassed when she came into the loo and found me drenched in sweat, still sitting on the loo unable to really say much. She gave me a lozenger and some water and within 5-10 minutes I was feeling much better.
What happened to me in that loo was apparently highly uncommon yet not unheard of. Typical.
Apparently going such I long time without movement, my body probably went into a nervous shock.
I write this a week later and I am still not ‘regular’. Very annoying. I guess these things don’t get resolved in one go so I am biting the bullet and going again – a week later mind you, where as most are asked to come back 2 days later…. Let’s see what happens this time, although i’m not sure I could go through that loo ordeal again…
Exercise was good that day – I went to cross fit and then did my run. Ate light more than 2 hours before the ‘procedure’ and then for dinner I was told to have nurturing food like a baked sweet potato which I had with some cottage cheese. I felt very drained but determined!
MONDAY MORNING – when the scales looked at me – poked me in the face, the gut, and told me ‘what have you done when you’ve been going so well??!!!!’ I knew I had just 2 options – give up, like i’d done so many times before, or get back into it. And really option 1 was NOT an option.
So I got myself dressed after my little sulk to J about being north of start yet south of 66kg (the heaviest i’d been since I started my weight loss adventure in May 2012 – i’ll show you evidence of what’s happened)
I can talk about that later.
AND I went to cross fit. AND as soon as I’d finished cross fit I went to the gym and ran my 5km. I can’t tell you how awesome I felt having done all the exercise i’d wanted to do for the day and it wasn’t even 11am.
I hadn’t eaten breakfast – I know that’s bad, will get better – so got home and made a smoothie. I put a banana, a couple strawberries, a few blueberries, ground flaxseed, a few almonds and a glug of almond milk. It was DEEEELISH!
I had a couple of eggs with tomato and mushrooms and a sprinkle of feta for lunch – a late lunch and dinner was a disaster! Well it was healthy just didn’t taste too good.
Chicken with asparagus and broccoli, just that the chicken I tried to cover in coconut flakes, coriander and chilli flakes all held together by a beaten egg. I’ll get this recipe right and share it, right now it’s worthy of the bin!
I’m happy with my ‘first day back’ – it WILL continue!!